first entry of 2013.

Happy New Year to me. Holidays have left me spent. I didn't really get to enjoy it 100% but did enjoy some aspects. Like having a white kinda Christmas. We got to cut down our own tree. I didn't even do
that when I grew up here.

I didn't get do as many cookies I would of liked. The kids were just to crazy and insane for me to do what I would of liked. Although Brendan has helped us discover the Elf on a Shelf which is interesting. You get this special elf at the store and after reading his story hes supposed to get these magic powers that allow him to spy and fly back each night to the North Pole to tell Santa. Also you can't touch him or he loses his power.This makes it fun for parents for Dan had so much messing with their little minds putting him in different places for them to find. You also have to name him. We ended up with the name Charlie Fairbanks. Also went to my brother Rons xmas eve party and the kids ended up getting the female one which we will use next year as well as Charlie who the kids think he went back to Santa when in real life hes hidden in one of Dans scotch containers. perfect fit.


Last night I had a lot of wierd dreams. First one was one of those-it feels real-types where I thought we were being robbed and I told dan-in my dreams- and he told me not to worry that we had nothing much to steal anyways which wasnt true coz I had my purse and we had the computers and tv. I forgot what the 2nd real one was but then I got into the dreams where I looked much younger like in my teens or early 20s and I was trying to get away with dating 2 men at the same time. That was fun. But it made me think of my life from High school on up and how most of that was the best and most productive time in my life. When I lived with mom and when Al was alive and we lived on Prospect street I had the best room ever. I missed my U2 shrine and my own bathroom and my walkin closet. Sure I had those in Vegas but I think that was the best.

I missed the independance of doing things on my own and with that I mean also with Dan. Just being able to get out and go without having to plan around kids and whatnot. I miss freedom and never knew what it meant till I lost it.

I guess when it comes right down to it,I miss my youth period. I am now 44 years old. Where did the time go? I mean it always comes back to the same issue. I feel I've reached a crossroad in my life and have no idea which road to go down next. I think I need more than a stay-at-home mom and housewife. I am sure the teenage early 20s me would never of seen me in this role. I know that coz I remember my 20s saying so. I told my coworkers at JCP once. I told them I wouldn't make a great parent coz I would be hanging the kid off the railing threatening it to shut up. It was a joke back then....not so much now.

Don't get me wrong; I love these guys. Brendan is my fave coz he seems to be the most normal sane one of the bunch. Bobby is sweet but his Autism makes me uncomfortable and I am worried that hes going to be a constant victemn to society. Rosie is a terror. she is my Diabla. She starts school next fall thank God but I fear her to be the troublemaker of the family. Only time will tell.

So where does this bring me? I have no idea what to do. Dan tries very hard to be there for me but he frustrates me as well;as I sure I do to him. He doesn't like that I turned into a wineo. I love wine. It keeps me sane. Do I drink more than I should? Probally. Am I worried I am turning into an alcoholic. No. Dan does as I remarked in other posts. But I don't want this to be just me. I need something new and exciting in my life. Something that makes all this crap worthwhile I need self worth. Thats it! But how? You know I am not the education type. Unless I find a way to do it with my learning disabilities not fucking it up.

I was thinking about food and baking but if theres one thing I learned from life there is always realistic crap that comes along with it and makes it not fun and productive. I thought I made a great makeup artists/makeupsalesperson. Who was I kidding. It worked for all this time before that so-called career ended. Didn't see that coming. Although I remember Ron telling me that I may not be able to sell makeup forever but I ignored him thinking all woman need makeup and there were lots of senior ladies still selling. Look at Betty. I am sure shes long gone but worked till she died. But thats the thing. Is that what I want to do for the rest of my life. Its hard to figure out but I hope I do soon before I go insane.

sick

Well I have been fighting this upper respitory virus bug thingy since last weekend and its kicking my ass. I have never coughed and hacked as much in all my life.There were a couple of nights I forced Dan to sleep on the couch with my gagging.Dan got me some of the musenex stuff but that stuff just gave me bad dreams and nightsweats so I am just trying to wait it out. Good news is I may of lost some weight for I lack taste,smell, and appitite.

Yesterday,with much trepitation and delay and argueing,Dan and I took fam to Newfound lake. one of our old memorial N.E. traditions.Why not pass it on to the kiddos. Suprisingly they took to that lake like fish to water...errr.ummm...It was a very lovely day. Even tho it was late starting. Didn't get there till 3 or so. Regaurdless,it wasn't crowded,water was perfect,and we spent a good 3 hours there. Then we found out Dan swam with the van keys in his pocket. Now I will remind you that most keychains are electrical. Wouldn't you know it. he short circuited the fucker. After beating himself over it about how everything he touch he ruins and always fucking up he had the brill Idea of going back in the restroom and useing the hand dryer and after that the Van started no prob. THANK GOD!

Which brought us to dinner at a cute Irish pub. It was so nice there. everyone but Bobby was happy about it. Bobby was not getting into the atmosphere like the rest of us. He seemed bored. But we all got thru the family day at Newfound Lake. Now....do we dare try Hampton Beach? Weather pending next weekend. stay tuned.

(no subject)

Well a lot has happened since my last post. Looks like we are moving back to New England. Dan finally got a job with a University in Mass. Fitchburg U to be exact. Its going to be challenging seeing Dan can't get his retirement from UNLV until the end of Januaury and he has to start on the 30th. So he may just have to go ahead of us and the kids and I stay here and get things ready. I hope a lot of that would be done before he leaves. I can't see doing this on my own.

Ethier way,we are leaving. Thank God. Now hopefully things will get caught up. I know I can find a job there. lots of pals in the makeup biz. Maybe preschool is free. That would be lovely for Rosie. Will keep you posted. Dan and I just want to get out of here and now its comming to be.

(no subject)

Yeah so this week I am starting to focus on getting back to hitting the pavement for jobs seeing we are back to square one financially. Royally fucked. So I need to put aside my insanity and get back to work.Or try. if anyone will take me. Its so depressing job hunting these days since they are hard to find now. especially what I do. cosmetic retail I guess they call it.

I wish I can find another way.Another way to make money without being illegal or hurting someone but alas the only thing I see is retail.Need to update my pathedic resume' and head out tommorrow. Which is Bobbys birthday. Dan is staying home so I can go around dropping off resumes and filling out applications. I just wish there was a better way. I mean don't get me wrong;I want to work and have time to myself away from the brood but I know I will absolutely eghausted. Ah well...its the price you pay I suppose.

(no subject)

Well Dan shopped off to Boston early this morning. I don't know how I am going to survive 4 days by myself with the wee beasts. Make the best of it I suppose. Well only 6 days left till Judo event. I cannot wait. Here I will offically meet Dom and Julie and hopefully he will remember me the next time he sees me in Vegas. ;)I so need this roadtrip with Lisa. We are going to have a blast.

Listening right now the The Waiting Room radio marathon. One of my new passions. I have made contact and am not a cyberfriend of one of the djs of the show. I only know him as the better half or something...anywho the music is so unique and fun and he also plays some old stuff. Like the Sugarcubes Fucking in rythem and sorrow.

Today just stopping by fresh and easy real quick. Gotta load up on supplies...wink wink say no more. ;P
  • Current Mood
    determined determined

(no subject)

Today will be a positive post. Its Fathers Day tho probally will be out most of the day seeing its also the Daytime Emmys plus Carolyn and her fiance are flying in to Vegas this afternoon so its going to be a busy full day. Feel kinda guilty to leave Dan alone with the kids on Fathers Day but it cannot be avoided.

All in all its going to be nice to see Carolyn again. Haven't seen her since the last time I was home. 2005 2004 maybe? Its just going to be a nice reunion.

Lisa also says she can get out at 5 today so she can enjoy some of the celebration. We should have a pretty cool time if last year was any indication. Lisa also reminded me that this is our first year anniversary of when we met. I feel like I am in a relationship. lol. I thought this was cute.

Well for Dan I will have the kids give them his cards and make some french toast. Should be very mellow.I am sure he isn't that thrilled to be left alone to tend to the monsters but he also understands I think.

So I have no idea what I am going to wear. probally something casual. its not like I can get in there. We shall see. gotta be comfy tho. will be standing on my feet mostly.
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    excited excited

(no subject)

Well my Mother in law left. shes been here since tuesday. It was nice seeing her again but I can do without her Ciggarette smoke filling my house. And its not coz shes smoked in my house; she was conciderate and smoked outside but the stentch is all around her and I woke up and went to bed with it.

Even tho she left this morning everytime I open my garbage a big stinky cloud of smelly stinky smoke came up from it. I really was irritated the whole visit. Even tho I love her and appreciated everything she did for us and the children.

Another thing that irritated was that she understood my wine obbession and compared it with her smoking habit. 2 different things. I don't put dirty ugly harmful toxins in my body that is slowly killing me. Wine is good for you and is made of Fermented grapes. There is a difference.

Anyhow I am very happy to have my house back. Now I need to defunk it with my Febreeze bottle.
  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful

(no subject)

I am suprised this board is still active and that LJ hasn't decided to end it. I havent seen a lot of friends or people posting hardly anymore. Eventually all good things must end. Lately,I've noticed things seem to be disapearing all at once.

Just an obvservation.